I am puke
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
