whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
