i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
