whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
