I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
