I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
