just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
