Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
