Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
