You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He shit in the fireplace
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
