so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
