Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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