I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hippo gnu deer
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
