some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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