I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
