My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
