drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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