I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize