I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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