so explain again why im purple
no
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
