just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
