He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
