This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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