My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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