His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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