I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
