Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
