i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
