am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
