i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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