Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
