your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
