Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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