He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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