yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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