i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I supernannyed him into submission
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
