Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
