The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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