coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
