Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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