It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
