i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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