3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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