I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This baby is an asshole
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
