I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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