our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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