after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
