Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
