where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
