The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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