I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
