U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
