After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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