I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
